Well 2013 went faster then 2012 and 2011.

Thinking back in 12 months I managed to be Davina fully dressed 7 times which is probably the least I’ve ever dressed up as a woman.

I bet that fact would shock my wife as i still suspect she thinks i would have dressed more than 7 times in 12 months.

We managed just the one girls night in back in May… Hoping for a few more girls night in with my wife in 2014.

Managed to grab a few new dresses as my wife decided to have a sort out and black bagged quite a few dresses I’ve borrowed in the past so that’s a result lol I have quite the collection of nice dresses now under the bed. I bet the wife asks to borrow some back in 2014 or they find their way back into her wardrobe.

Think I’ve more or less perfected my “look” in 2013 maybe I need to try new eye shaddows and lippy in 2014.

Crossdressings not been in our conversations for a while so I hope my wifes not put it to the back of her mind again thinking it will go away.

As i said in an earlier blog due to the oppinions of some t girls in TVChix in the forum i thought sod it i'll stop crossdressing at one point during 2013... but then i got the urge and thought who wants to be a "proper t girl" one who goes out dressed dancing with other t girls and whatever else they get upto.. i'm lucky i have an accepting wife and although iu dont get much opportunity to dress i can do it knowing my wife knows and is ok with it.. maybe the T girls who almost put me off dressing are jellous of what ive got.

I wonder what opportunity 2014 will bring for “Davina”

So no crossdressing since October …. No opportunity due to work, half term baby sitting, work, Christmas through to New Year and I’ve had the urge on and off.

Christmas was Fab, 2 weeks off work with my wife and kids but went to quick... Back to work tomorrow :(

“Davina” must have been a bad “Girl” as she didn’t get ANYTHING for Christmas!!!

Its funny that even though my urge is mainly driven by stress but over the Christmas period the urge to dress up has been really strong… probably as I’ve not done it for so long.

Maybe I’ll get a day working from home as no doubt plenty to catch up with from 2 weeks away from the place…

Nothing for Christmas maybe I’ll find something in the Sales...

In my experiance women opt for comfort and flat shoes but like us Crossdressers they know that high heels are a must on a night out.

So, wifes works Christmas do and she looked sexy as  in a black lace dress, black tights and high heels and nice makeup. I was jellously thinking id love to be going out dressed like that but glad to have her on my arm and cant wait to get back to the hotel tonight...

Nice to see her rmake the effort with her makeup which is usually minimal and tights and high heels (which is very rare) she should do it more often - she cant understand my crossdressing and i cant understand why she doesnt want to be made up and dressed up nice all the time- Black tights and heels I've told her are a turn on for me and she wasnt alone as the party met and i found myself checking out what the women in our party were wearing.. all looked fab in their tights / stockings party dresses and high heels... but it wasnt long before they all started moaning their feet were hurting .. we didnt walk far from the pub we met in to the restaurant... again i thought i wonder if my feet would be aching if i was out en fem..

A really good night out with good company, good food and good laughs... and good high heels...

I’ll hold my hands up I’m a looker.. no I don’t mean my looks I mean a woman walks by who’s clearly made an effort to look nice, or done her makeup well and I cant help looking .. not letching “looking” and admiring.

Even more so now Womens Winter Attire is in and more and more women seem to be wearing 100 denier black tights or 60,80,100 denier fashion tights and heeled boots I cant help but ogle a nice pair of legs…

My wife is fully aware that I’m a looker but as it’s been said “there’s no worries about looking at the Menu as long as you’re not eating” or something like that.

I don’t mean I perve or ogle women as I ogle my wife too if she wears something nice especially a nice dress and black tights and high heels.. which is sadly rare.

I’m also guilty of vanity as I ogle my own sexy legs in the mirror.

Tescos lol yes Tescos is a prime location for seeing a nice pair of legs .. gone are the bare legs of the summer and in are hosiery clad legs “the best time of the year”

I hope that doesn’t make me sound like some serial letching perve as I said its appreciation of someone looking nice and making an effort to look their best which grabs my attention, or how someone’s done their makeup or worn their hair.. and maybe a fetish for black tights on women and on myself lol.

So today we have out of the blue babysitters and the kids staying out..

Got to admit I’m knackered and having dressed in the week don’t have the urge to dress up and ask wife for a girls night in… neither do I feel like going out so a Saturday night in with my wife the thought of some alone time is exciting for us both with lots of kissing during the day before we drop off the kids at the baby sitters…

Sod a girls night in lets just have a night in as husband and wife.. details spared on what happened when kids were dropped off lol then Saturday night TV OMG what a pile of crap Saturday night TV is

So after our fun and no urge to dress up wife’s watching X Factor and dancing z listers and the like and I’m plugged into my Ipad watching sky movies with headphones on and fall asleep by 20:30… lol the busy work weeks caught up with me so much for baby sitters…

Writing this now a few days later with the urge back and no opportunity to dress up thinking I should have gone for that girls night in but if the urge isn’t there its not as much fun..

So after a nice relaxing day working from home and getting quite a bit of work done between 09:00 and 18:00 i have this hour left to myself "Free time as Davina" bearing in mind around 19:00ish the wife (who's ok about me being dressed) and the kids (who dont know daddy is a tranny and wife doesnt want them knowing) are due home so realistically 35-45 mins left as a Tgirl for today.

Quick tidy up, did the dishes, loaded the washing machine and the tumble drier, put the hoover round lol like a Queen Video "I want to break Free" then did something different..

Dark nights are with us... the bins need putting out... dare I do it as Davina...

Slipped on a long coat of my wifes and a scarf tucking my long blonde hair into the coat... turned off the house lights so it doesnt illuminate outside then a step out the back door into the back garden and it felt very exciting in plain sight as a tranny outdoors in the dark the cold breeze on my legs.. the cold reaching the skin above my stocking tops exhillerating..

Back in the house to retrieve the rubbish from my tidy up and through the side gate im walking down the side of the house to the bins then realise we have a street light right by our bins.. sod it no onw would clock me and say omg hes dressed as a woman as in this light and in what im wearing i'm sure I can pass.

Rubbish put in bins quietly and lids closed quietly as dont want to draw attention... whats the fuss i check the windows all the curtains are drawn.. moving the bins was a bit noisey but here i am outside my house dressed as a woman having put the bins out .. ok thats enough risk lets get back in.. along the side of the house into the back garden close the gate a shigh of relief not seen by anyone.

I spent 5 mins more just stood outside as "Davina" lapping up the fresh air and feeling quite happy with myself but alas time to get back into man mode as kids home soon its 18:45 time to remove makeup put clothes and wig etc away and jump in the bath... wonder if i'll do this more often? should i tell the wife? we'll she'll find out anyway reading this lol.

So back in work and so much gone on whilst I’ve been on leave for a week September passed like a blurr and no chance during the month of Crossdressing L

Deadlines to meet..

I went into the office yesterday and spent so much time helping other people and doing the work the managers who work for me should be doing.. oh to be able to clone myself 3 times to put myself in charge of the departments I manage like the BORG a hive mind.. people paid a lot of money yet so reliant on me to make decisions.. maybe my own making being a control freak and I’ve removed their will to make decisions without running it by me first… maybe I need management training lol.

Anyway not dressed since god knows when and here I am wife’s taking kids to breakfast club in school and I’m on the starting block quick bath and shave all over… moisturiser.. let that sink in doing a bit work on my laptop then ready for foundation crème then let that sink in and finish off removing shine with some foundation powder… then some blusher not too much.. then slightly darker eye shadow than the foundation.. then working towards my long eyelashes (which women are jellous of) a darker shade then finally black on a thin brush dabbing it across the top and roots of my eye lashes and dabbing it on my bottom eye lashes which gives instant smokey eye and eye liner.. topped off with mascara.. then the lippy and lip liner topped off with lip gloss job done

Wifes new push up bra (Which I think I should inherit) and my padding making some believable cleavage.. must get my own bra like this one.. love it on my wife then a Basque of hers with suspenders, black stockings and black and red lacy knickers.. a nice dress … nacklace and a spray of perfume then the long blonde wig a spray of water and brush it into shape et voilla.. oh then slip into my 5 inch stilletoes job complete all within 15-20 mins 09:00 and no one home until 19:00

So on with spreadsheets as a girl.. phone rings my boss, the managers who work for me some of the men who work for me my bosses boss, some head honcho from HQ good job none of them requested a video conference lol they’d not believe their eyes.

Wife home dinner time and fine seeing me dressed.. so nice shes no longer freaked out.

By around 15:00 this bra is digging into me how do women cope with bras sticking into them.. my wife complains about the same thing and also about her heels hurting her.. but I'll persist dressed as a woman as who knows when my next opportunity to chillax as a girl (Tgirl) will be.... funny enough ive had these stilletoes on since 09:00 and my feet are fine (do love high heels but im walking on carpets and sat at my desk so maybe that’s why)

 FInished Work at 18:00 an hour free as "Davina"…I'll end this blog here and add a quick one on the same date....xx

So I’ve not dressed for ages.

I’ve had the urge to dress up on and off but no opportunity with July, August and September full of short breaks away, working nights and a week away and on return to work its so busy with people off on leave and on courses there’s been no opportunity to work from home and dress up, no opportunity for me and the wife to have a girls night in on a Friday or Saturday and things are moving so fast in work and home life that the urge has been there but not really strong as I’ve been getting stress relief from being away from work. Even working nights away from the humdrum of the daytime environment of work my stress levels have diminished with plenty of opportunity in the day when im resting before the next night shift to dress up but not done it..

In this time I’ve logged into and chatted in TVChix and also been involved in some of the forum posts and with the lack of dressing opportunity and reading some really negative things in the forums about sexuality and cheating and the Tranny Police who believe they’re always right bullying people who ask for help or ask a silly but pertinent question in the forum.. its made me think a lot about crossdressing.. ie why do I bother… ok its relaxing etc but if the next step is going out as a T girl with my wife seeing the attitude of some TGirls in the forum I’m really put off the thought of meeting other people who crossdress.

It seems the Tranny Police as I’ll term em think you’re not a proper Tranny unless you a) go out and about as a “woman” b) must be border line or fully transsexual c) must be a tart meet others for sordid sex leading onto d) must of course be bisexual or in denial of your sexuality to dress up.

Well sod all that a) they’ve put me off going out, b) no where near c) no thanks I love my wife and she’s the only sordid sex I want and d) im straight so deal with it

I’ve been told I protest too much in my manliness, alpha maleness, competitiveness, straightness and the love of my wife and being faithful.. sorry for being all I can be for my wife and family amidst the drag (pardon the pun) of being a crossdresser…

So had a bit of a downer with the scene and the trans spectrum overall but also had some nice chats and forum posts and personal messages with other t girls like me (the alpha male t girl brigade) and with some fab Wives and Girlfriends which leads me to believe there are some nice women and t girls out there who I’d love my wife and I to meet and chat to .. still a huge step and one we may never do but on line chat and correspondence is fine plus this blog of course..

Back in work and loads to catch up with and some opportunity to catch up working from home with some peace and quiet and of course opportunity to dress up :)…

Sometimes its easier to get away from the office and work from home.

House to myself and no distractions of people coming into my office for help and advice. I try to work from home once or twice per month if i really need to concentrate on some laptop work (spreadsheets etc)

Last week i went square eyed working from home as a bloke but today i decided as its been around 6 weeks since i last got dolled up to work from home as "Davina" 

Borrowed a nice flowery dress of the wifes and a new push up bra of hers which with my 'boob padding' gave me some nice cleavage.. topped off the outfit with black stockings and high heels plus some nice lingerie and makeup and my blonde wig and worked from home en fem from 08:30 until around 16:00.

I actually got a lot of work done but it was so hot n humid in the wig and makeup.

Saw my wife in her dinner break.. we dont even bat an eye lid now about me being dressed up and i dont get nervous any more her seeing me dressed or even guilty afterwards for putting her through seeing me dressed as a woman... Later in the day however i was sat as a bloke with my family thinking im nuts .. I've just spent 8 hours dressed as a woman and it was relaxing and I enjoyed how it felt but always happy to return to male me at the end of the day and getting better at makeup removal and not leaving a trace of "Davina"... Might do it again this week one day if i can swing a day working from home..

A question I've asked myself many times...

Who knows? There are probably many reasons why I’m centre of my perceived Trans Spectrum.

A quick list

-         Stress relief, from work and my male life

-         Relaxation, its relaxing I don't know why

-         Escapism from my male life for a brief period of time

-         Its fun, getting transformed 

-         It’s a turn on, I feel sexy transformed where I don't feel sexy as a man

-         The feel of wearing lingerie and Womens things, its nicer than men's things

-         Trying to look convincing, its fun to try to look real

Doing something out of the norm for male me- that’s why??

I have a Manly Job which I’ve worked my way up into, despite the Academic side to me which could have placed me directly where I am in my Career, but in working my way up I understand how the whole thing works and have also earned Respect and Knowledge in coming in at the bottom not using my Academic Qualifications to get where I am.

I work in a Male dominated industry leading over 100 front line men and managers. (It’s stressful).

A recent article I read points that Crossdressing is a way of offering a challenge to society's preconceptions about gender…. Doesn’t cover me but who knows?

Does anyone recognise this in themselves as a reason for Crossdressing? “challenging society viewpoints?”

More articles suggests some men crossdress simply to make a passing social or fashion statement.

Women have the monopoly on fasion and clothing and why should they??

Look at a department store or even Asda or Tescos…Womens clothes have the monopoly on floor space and men have a little bit in the corner, Womens clothes are far more comfortable and sexy and nicer touch against the skin

Some Women ive chatted to state that due to their life plans coming to fruition, married, house, kids and in their contentment they somehow loose their sex drives and will to make an effort for themselves…

ie cant be bothered with makeup or to wear matching lingerie …

I make a lot of effort as a man or when Crossdressed to look nice, very rarely will I look scruffy or not make an effort to look attractive as a bloke..

Please comment ..am I right or wrong?

I used to Crossdress whenever I had the Urge back when I was a kid … home alone upstairs dress up for a while and undress putting everything back in its place before someone came home.

Moved in with the wife and used to get an Urge when home alone especially the first time I was home alone wondering what lingerie my Girlfriend now Wife had… then I tried it on and I was a Crossdresser again.

Then when she knew I was dressing I’d dress when she was out if I felt the need… I suppose buying the house, doing it up, seeking promotion in work was the start of stress levels rising and the Urge to Crossdress returning.

Now a days if I can work from home when I have work to catch up with or a project to do and need peace and quiet I work from home and having the house 0900-1700 presents my only real opportunity to Crossdress.

Sometimes I do and sometimes I don’t dress up but I regret it later if I haven’t dressed up.

Sometimes there is no time to dress up as I’m busy in work but this makes the next opportunity to Crossdress feel even better.

I suppose I dress about 12-15 times per year … I’d probably dress more if I could but with work, wife and kids its awkward.

I dress up fully with makeup (I enjoy getting made up its like art), I wear a wig, high heels, lingerie, stockings or tights and dress etc or I don’t dress at all as where I sit on the Trans Spectum it’s All or Nothing…which really limits the time I have to Crossdress..

Sometimes I get dressed spend as little as 30 mins dressed up and take it all off and sometimes I’ll spend a few hours of R&E which completely and inexplicably unwinds me.

This leads a little onto When do you Crossdress which is a separate Blog but what I do when Crossdressed depends on what needs to get done. As a list:

-         House work

-         Watch TV

-         Chat on the Computer

-         Work from home

Nothing out of the ordinary just carry on as I would if I was dressed “normally” really

I count myself very lucky that my wife's come to terms with me Crossdressing.

Her outlook, its just something quirky her husband does from time to time when home alone and it helps me de-stress...its taken years of talking to get here...advice to others "TALK!!"

She'd rather I didn't Crossdress which still makes me feel “Guilty” for doing it and there are times when I have a few hours where I could dress but guilt gets to me and I end up not dressing then regret it later - suppose it makes it feel all the better when I do occasionally dress up.

She's been great buying me lingerie, stockings, high heels, my wig and handed me down dresses she no longer wants etc....

We've had good chats about how stressful my job is and how Crossdressing is a form of Relaxation and Escapism (R&E) for me which she understands ....but doesn’t understand....and neither do I fully.

We still find it very hard to talk about Crossdressing but its good when we can talk.

We've chatted about it a lot, and my guilt for putting her through this and she's told me "You think too much" which is a relief that it's not freaking her out too much and she's come to terms with my "Stress relieving hobby"

I know though that she’d rather I didn’t dress at all so still feel compelled to talk to her and reassure her about Crossdressing… Still not ideal but I’m very lucky to have her J

…The net is writing about it more and more….

I feel Agony Aunts, Drs and Psychiatrists have a difficult time with Crossdressing….

Maybe they should try it themselves and they might discover how it’s a stress buster and how it makes you feel to escape the macho male image society wants us to portray.

How does a Dr anwser the worried wife of a crossdresser faced with “Why does my husband crossdress and how can it be treated?”

I’ve written to an agony aunt in a tabloid and in a magazine.

In both cases, the agony aunt labelled me a “pervert” so I’d not put much faith in agony aunts, Drs or Psychiatrist…

If they’ve never experianced crossdressing or known someone who crossdresses then theyre only guessing or going with the flow.

Theres some Science around to suggest crossdressing starts around puberty, but, some male children experiment dressing up earlier…

I remember being around 6 or 7 trying on a silk nighty and tights, loving the feel and also walking through the lingerie section in M&S feeling the silky lingerie way before puberty.

I turned out to be full-fledged heterosexual male despite wearing silky lingerie..

Psychiatrists don't really seem to know when it starts or why but they guesstimate on why men choose to dress up as women: If we don’t know how can they…

Telling them is something we’ve discussed early on as something we don’t want to share with them.

As my kids get older, I’ll have to find another way of Crossdressing as my privacy and alone time will diminish as they grow up….

 My kids are still very young so have to be with one of us… must be awkward for crossdressers with older nosey kids who snoop in wardrobes and come and go when they like not needing baby sitting..

I’d prefer to see my Wife in Sexy lingerie, stockings and heels than myself in the mirror, but for some reason Women choose not to wear these sexy items of clothingwhich they can wear freely and unjudged.….

Surely they know how much it “turns us on” to see them dressed like this even for a bit of fun or just to tease us…at least in matching lingerie…..

I can’t get my head ‘round why a woman wouldn’t want to dress sexy and make the effort to look their best for themselves let alone us, especially when they know how easy it is to make us drool…

I can’t help having a “thing” for seeing my wife in sexy lingerie, stockings and heels yet despite knowing this it’s something which is very rare…

Maybe in crossdressing I make up for this by wearing these items of clothing myself?

It’s certainly one reason behind me dressing.

When I was a kid where else was I gong to see and feel stockings, heels and sexy lingerie and to an extent it’s a reason I dress now wearing things I wish my wife would wear for me….

It’s one reason I crossdress, so even if she would tease me in stockings and heels once in a while I’d still dress for the other reasons such as stress relief it gives me.

I don’t act Macho!! I am Macho!!

I’m a competitive Alpha Male Married Red blooded Man!!!!….

I’ve read that in an effort to disguise hidden feminine feelings from within, many Crossdressers inadvertently become overly “macho” trying hard to convince the world and themselves they are “normal.” – What is normal??… l.

I don’t act Macho to hide the fact I Crossdress because I am Macho..

I’m a man 100%.

Maybe some men feel they have feminine sides they need to hide and act macho but I’m not one of those.

This makes it hard for my wife to really come to terms with her Alpha Male husband getting this Urge to dress up trying to look and act convincing as a woman for a bit of R&E.

It is true that as Men we put up an unfeeling, insensitive front, low emotion persona as we probably saw our fathers doing the same.

What are these feminine feelings we hide? 

-         Emotion?

-         Sensitivity?

-         Fairness?

-         Ironing? (a joke)

Who says these are feminine feelings – “Society does!!!!” and puts pressure on men not to show these emotions.

It doesn’t make a man any less a man for showing these feelings and again has nothing to do with crossdressing… yet see a man show a more sensitive side and it gives a certain impression.

A text comes through from Wifes friend " Are you ok for a girls night out the 4 of us"

The 4 of us refers to me, my wife, her and another female friend...Its still called a "girls night out."

I think the fem side of me that can carry a conversation about not just manly things is why they enjoy my company..

"I'll have to go in a dress I joked to the wife...as its a girls night out"

"You can go without me then good luck to you I’m not going to our local with you as a Woman" .. "haha I was joking".. just pulling her leg..

I text our friend back

'24th should be ok ..hoping to get baby sitters … should be ok tho for girls night out as long as I don’t have to dress as a Woman to join you xxxx'

'Ok and no you don’t have to dress as a Girl..... Not unless you want to obviously xxx'

'Wife said if I plan on a Girls night out with you as "A Girl" She’s not coming so just 3 of us then haha!'

'But you would make such a lovely Woman even play on your name….. Davina??'

'How did you guess my Girl name ..I’d better come out as me the Wife will come out then too'

'HAHA now your secrets out!!!! 24th is a date with "The Girls" cool xxxx'

Everything i typed was the truth but she thinks I’m messing about....My Wife called me a smart arse J... would be so cool if I could openly go out with them as "Davina"...

I went out with my wife and two of our lovely female friends just for a drink and a catch up.

I was the only bloke there as the other girls blokes were either working or babysitting (Not invited).

A comment was made to me that I’m the ideal man, so nice, romantic and caring and that my Wifes best friend judges all men against me and most fall short of my level.

Very flattering.

A few more drinks and chatting and laughing our heads off a further comment was made "You're just one of the girls" and then "You’e like a girl you are ... but in a good way"

Modern man or secret Cossdresser...

We chatted about foundation and makeup and also chick flicks, and some other topics which most men would cringe about rather than talk about, or have knowledge about, in fact we covered most topics even sport.

I enjoyed myself.

A nice change compared to a night out with the boys.

I wondered for a few seconds, thinking…. this is great I’m getting flattered as a bloke but also a lot in what they see in me is my understanding of feminine things...

In no way does it make me soft, amongst other things my wife and the two girls also know me to be this sporty Alpha Male..

I even thought… I wonder what it would be like to be here chatting and laughing casually dressed as a Woman....

They'd have a shock if me and my wife confided in them that I crossdressed...

They paint me the “Ideal man” … they'd never believe I Crossdress.

They'd probably actually think it was pretty cool, want to dress me up and take me out... the Wife would cringe....

I can’t express much sensitivity or show feelings like I would want to as we’re trained as boys/men not to as it’s not Manly.

I can’t explain why I don’t show emotion and I can’t explain why I Crossdress..

I believe I am more in tune with Women than the average man. (again maybe I’m a Femmophile )

I appreciate Women.

Do we hide sensitive personality traits due to societal condemnation?

Some T-Girls keep the secret of their feminine side and Crossdressing to themselves because they do not want to be rejected whilst continuing to act the role society has assigned to them as men.

This sounds stressful to me having to hide Crossdressing from Wives etc but the rejection can be real and despite what I’m writing and what we know, women are threatened and relationships end due to being ill informed.

So to sum up I’m a real man and I Crossdress so another urban myth out of the window – try calling me a sissy for crossdressing and meet the Alpha male in me.

Chatting to other Crossdressers who have told their wives and girlfriends, they’ve told them that they dress because "It just feels good" I relate to this one or "It feels like the real me while Crossdressing" which I don’t relate to.

 I’d think this would get more concern from women than the first reason…

These are the most common reasons in my experience given to family and friends of those out of the trans closet as to why a person would Crossdress.

It seems the reasons range from initially curiosity and trying on Womens clothes (willing to bet most men have tried on Womens clothing) and also sexual stimulation at some point along the Crossdressing journey.

Its always been a ‘turn on’ dressing in sexy lingerie and nice makeup stockings and heels ….

Maybe I have a fetish for this type of lingerie, but for a lot of Crossdressers I chat to they tell me this sexy / horney feeling is no longer part of their Crossdressing… ie they used to get turned on by it but now don’t….

Family who know will fear the repercussions from people who may find out

This is my Wifes main fear now. "What if someone finds out!!!!"

My need to Crossdress and communicate about it must be something very strong to make me risk the upsetting and possible ridicule of family, friends (even joking about it see a previous blog), and society in general.

It’s maybe a coping mechanism I don’t want to admit I need as I’m a strong confident person…. why do I need a coping mechanism?…

Admitting you need a coping mechanism is a good thing I obviously need some escapism...

My Wifes asked me “You have crossdressing what do I have?”… um try my boxer shorts on? ,,,,

At the end of the day if people did find out my attitude is "So What"

Maybe naive …but to me its harmless, no ones business what I do in my own time.

I’m happy I know who and what I am and think I’m a rounded person.

I have my own unique opinions and outlook... So, if someone found out initially there may be ridicule but I’m confident my "so what" attitude would quash any repercussions.. sticks and stones

I prefer being a Man and having people respect and look upto me but I have a stressful job and the Escapism which Crossdressing gives me and also the Relaxation is something hard to explain but very real.

Some people i chat to have said I protest too much ... ie I keep going on about being a Bloke and an Alpha Male etc

I can't help it as the man side is alpha... i only have one side the man side... 1% fem side lol

My Wife’s Friends and some of the Women in work seem to have labelled me some kind of “Ideal Gentleman”

My wifes best friend cringely (if thats a word) says she judges other men by the standards I set… Loving, Caring, Considerate etc.. "Crossdressing?" Haha

I've actually told her I crossdress which I'll blog about some time .. she laughed "As if you'd do that!! HAHA! You're so Funny"

A hard decision...

You've Crossdressed to a certain degree for a long time, …maybe now you've moved in with a girlfriend or a wife and it's become complicated to Crossdress..

You have a new wardrobe which in fact is HERS

You don't have as much time alone to Crossdress but it's so tempting to check her wardrobe and try new things on...

Eventually the thought of wearing her lingerie, dress, stockings and heels grows too great and you go for it ….. Wow you feel great and look great with a greater selection of clothes to wear....

Then there's putting everything back in the place and order you found them and putting them back clean and in one piece not torn or ripped...

Then one day she asks how come some of her things are not in the right place or you forget and leave something you've worn out on the bedroom floor....

It’s stressful …. Crossdressing behind someones back …. but for her to know you risk rejection...

This will play on your mind a lot ....to tell her or not to tell her?... how will she react?? Will she reject me?....would she be ok with it???

Add your Comments … lets see from Crossdressers and Wives and Girlfriends what do you think better to risk it and tell… better knowing or not knowing?

A quick and easy blog to dispel some incorrect assumptions generalised by the Media about Crossdressing related to myself….

-         I’m neither Gay nor a Bisexual... 

-         I don’t ever.. ever want to live as a Woman full time 

-         I don’t ever want Gender Reassignment Surgery

-         I wasn’t mollycoddled as a child or given dolls to play with – I had action men, Star Wars Toys, Footballs and Rugby balls to play with

-         I’m not a Pervert in any way what so ever 

I might add to this from time to time as people ask me if I’m this or that….You can write here...

Since the girls night in when I’ve worked from home I’ve ensured the curtains downstairs have been adjusted so I can come downstairs unseen to get to the kitchen.

I’ve had a sandwich and a cup of tea ready for her or she’s brought a sandwich home from Tesco for me  and I’ve joined her as “Davina”

She said she’d fine with it now thinking of Crossdressing as just being me in fancy dress which is cool..

I don’t want to push it though and sometimes she seems surprised when she comes home for lunch and I’m not dressed … there’s that Urge again.. comes and go’s

We got baby sitters…. so …..the house to ourselves on a Saturday night…

However friends asked us round theirs in the afternoon which I agreed to but didn’t drink as I was driving.

The wife consumed a few glasses of wine and we eventually left at 20:00 and I thought well that’s that she’ll get in and fall asleep now…..

..but she said I’ll open another bottle of wine you go get changed.

WOW…This was actually going to happen.. I thought the drawn out time with our friends was her way of delaying and preventing our plan .. I was wrong..

I went up… chose a dress, lingerie, hosiery and heels, did my makeup and put on my long blonde wig …

I was shaking and so nervous as I made my way down stairs and into the living room.

“Wow you look nice” were her first words… which was a relief (seeing I was wearing her dress)

So I sat down and we put on a chick flick (bridesmaids which wasn’t very good) we cant remember much of the film as we did a bit of talking about me being dressed and other things and I think she realised in doing so that hey its still me, ….I'm still being sarcastic and cheeky and me… just dressed and looking different.

She told me she liked how I did my eyes so I explained how I did them and said id do hers if she liked one night which she agreed J. (See advantages of having a Crossdresser)

Anyway to end this blog we had a nice evening and I stopped shaking after the 2^nd glass of wine… and we went to bed later as husband and wife not as Wife and husband in drag.

We woke up .. I made us breakfast..

I asked how she felt about the night before with me en fem…

She said it was OK just me in fancy dress and it was OK

Could we do it again sometime?

Yes probably

She also said she’d probably not drink so much next time J

Following my wife seeing me dressed for the first time I was eager to know what she felt about it.

She was OK about it saying it was just like seeing me in fancy dress.

I asked the question “Do you think you would be OK seeing me dressed again?”

Her answer was “Yes I suppose so”

“Do you think we could try a Girls night in … both get make up on a nice dress on, chick flick and wine?”

“She Agreed”……. … but when??

My wife came home from work and we chatted about how she felt and she was OK seeing me dressed.

We laughed about my tatty wig.

Following the realisation that that my wig was by now Tatty I asked if we could look together on Ebay for a new wig together.

My Wife picked out a wig for me blonde again but this time with a curl in it and a fringe.

This opened up communication a bit more leading to another level of acceptance.

As I stated in the blog “When do I Crossdress” I sometimes work from home and dress up.

Well one day I was dressed at home using our bedroom as an office.

I’d told my wife via mobile that I was dressed and she confirmed she was coming home for lunch so I told her I’d stay out of her way upstairs.

Anyway to cut a long story short she asked if I wanted a sandwich which she made me and left on the landing… I retrieved it clip clopping in my high heels on the wooden floor and shouted what about a cup of tea.

So here she comes up the stairs where I was expecting her to put the tea on the landing…. But she came across the landing…. The bedroom door opened and in she came…

Face to face with my wife for the first time fully en fem wig the lot…

The first thing she said was “Your legs are stunning…. That wigs a bit tatty but you look nice….. That’s my dress you bitch!!”

The Ice was broken we’d both faced some fears… me meeting her fully dressed for the first time and her seeing her Alpha Male husband Crossdressed fully as a woman in the flesh..

She was fine about it and so was I better than we thought we’d have been.

Letting the trail go cold is a mistake.. “Strike whilst the irons hot” is a good saying in the case of Crossdressing as once you stop talking the trail can go cold … then its so hard to start talking about it again.

We usually talk when we’re in bed having mulled over it all day I bring up the Crossdressing subject.

I asked her to be open and honest as I’ve been about Crossdressing and about her level of acceptance and how she really deep down felt about seeing me fully dressed up as a woman whilst working from home.

She said she was fine about it saying, it’s just something that I feel I have to do so no worries.

This time I pushed her further as deep down I know that she deep down doesn’t like it and I wanted honesty as I felt bad thinking she’s just saying she’s ok with it just for me and the tears came again and she admitted she was still unhappy that I dressed but couldn’t explain why.

I don’t know why I dress but it is relaxing and I find it fun and a little bit of a turn on but most of all it helps me unwind from my job.

Further honesty came out in that its only a small part of her affected by my dressing her own self confidence is knocked more to do with her self image brought on by having two kids and that she didn’t feel sexy.

I’ve obviously told her she’s sexy but she said you’ve got to say that…Where’s Gok Wan when you need him to point out perfect bangers and Angelina Jolie lips etc.

So a few things I need to work on with her.. Fitness and diet, and assertiveness.

So the issue of me Crossdressing is but a small worry to her.

So, I asked her to get one thing out of the way and face one fear…. The night in with “Davina” me dressed as a woman. She said finally that she’d give it a go.

The first arrangement we came to was if I had the urge to crossdress I had to do it without my wife knowing when home alone leaving no evidence.

A compromise but felt like doing it behind her back still after plucking up the courage to tell her I crossdressed..

“If you have to do it … Please do it without me knowing… Please don’t leave any evidence that you’ve done it"You can write here...

I decided to write my Wife a letter which I intended to sit with her and answer her questions as she read it.

It started “There is nothing to worry about, I love You more than anything, I realise me telling you I’d Crossdressed before has come as a shock to you and that it’s not something you’d ever expect to hear from me but it’s true… I like to Crossdress.”

And that’s all she read before bursting into tears…

She then blurted out “I don’t know what this all means … It’s just not you… It’s not something you’d do!.. does this mean you’re Gay or you want a Sex Change… Is it my fault? What have I done wrong?”

I reassured her and told her “It had never even crossed my mind that she’d ask if I was Gay.. That was an easy one to get out of the way.. No I don’t want to be a woman and non of this is your fault as I’ve done it to some degree or another for years”

She read on…. The parts about how I used to Crossdress… My Mothers Lingerie…. (Pervert must have crossed her mind but she didn’t say it) and how I used to dress up… how it stopped when we were dating and how it started again when we moved in together and I found myself in the privacy of my own home with wardrobes and draws full of Womens clothes… “You Wear my things!!!”

Understandably annoyed…

More tears and more reassurance that I’m just me and its just something I do…

We slept on it and talked a little then came to some sort of arrangement….

The night passed, we got up for work and didn’t discuss Crossdressing or what had happended that evening…. I mulled over it all day in work not being able to concentrate….

Do I mention it again tonight now its out in the open? …. How do I go about bringing it up again without upsetting her? Write it all down? Just blurt it out?

I researched how to tell your other half first via Google “How do I tell my wife I Crossdress” … the info returned was next to useless.

It was eating away at me… we’d been through some serious things to date in our marriage far more serious than me dressing up as a Woman but in her eyes and mind she must have also been mulling over it in work thinking “Who have I married?, What does it mean, Is he a pervert, what’s he been doing behind my back, does he dress up every time hes home alone, does this mean he’s Gay or wants to be a woman? What have I done to deserve this… Is it …My Fault??”

First read the blog – “Trans Spectrum Revelation “Makeup” then come back :)

Telling her was so hard, my heart was skipping a beat, I was sweating, my pulse racing, butterflies doing the rounds in my stomach but having been made up by her I felt I had to get it out in the open - Honesty is the best policy for a successful marriage I told myself.

If she’d sussed that I Crossdressed which was the driver of her asking to put makeup on me in the first place I had to tell her the truth… Unlucky for me she hadn’t sussed that I was a Crossdresser and she just wanted to have some fun with her Alpha Male Husband seeing if she could get him to have makeup put on him for a laugh…..and the sweat turned to a Cold Sweat…

A quiet evening wanting to talk about it now it was out there but my Wife was in shock.

First she sees me fully made up (by herself), the first time I’d ever worn makeup and not only does she see me made up but in a dress, stockings and heels etc looking a little convincing then I tell her I’ve Crossdressed before… entitled to be in shock..

I often think back to that moment when I admitted I’d dressed before and thought “What If”…..What if I’d lied and didn’t tell her I’d dressed previously and that being dressed here now in front of her with her saying “WOW you look like a Woman” What if I’d said “I’ve never done this before … I kinda like it”

A white lie? ….. Deception!!

Make Crossdressing something she invented and “Got me Into”… Her Idea… Not my fault I liked it as She made me do it…..

Instead believing Honesty is the best policy, I told her the truth…. I’ve Crossdressed to some extent ALL my life….

Don’t ask me why but Crossdressers are vain and like to take photos of ourselves “en fem”

I’d taken some Photos and thought I looked pretty alright as a “Woman”

Again I mulled over it for some time and decided to ask my wife if she’d like to see some photos of me Crossdressed …to which she replied “Why?”

“Um because I’d value your opinion on how I look now I have a wig”

So she had the horrifying ordeal which she agreed to of seeing her husband fully made up, in a dress, tights and high heels with a long blonde wig….

“I don’t get it” she said

“What do you mean” I said

“Well you look like a Woman ….. but I just don’t get it”

“Ok so I look Ok”

“Yes… Your leg look amazing” she said… My smile must have been ear to ear.

I’ll diverge from the History of my dressing and my wifes next level of Acceptance for a few blogs  to try to get to the main Title of this Blog “Why Do Men Crossdress” trying to explain more why I personally Crossdress.

I’d began dressing up fully With makeup but wanted to see how I'd look with a wig.

I decided this was a bigger step so I told my wife I wanted to get a wig to see how convincing I'd look.

She surprised me a week later producing a gift bag containing a long straight blonde wig and some lingerie, makeup and wipes and some clothing of hers she was giving up to charity.

She still didn’t want to see me dressed or have any evidence left but It was a step of further acceptance. :)

I told my wife two years into our Marriage that I Crossdress with my "habit" returning after about 4 years of non crossdressing when dating her.

She's known that I occasionally (Once or twice per month) “Dress up as a Woman” since 2003 and her outlook is its just something her husband (me) does to unwind when stressed.

She sometimes says to me you need to work from home and unwind.

She doesn’t understand it and “Neither do I” but were working on it.

I feel a tremendous urge to give her assurance that this doesn't change me as a person it's just fun and some escapism harmless to our relationship and our secret.

You can write here...

A new Phrase I’ve just coined R&E …. A little Relaxation and Escapism :)

Makeup?

A further step and a step which moves toward centre left of the spectrum.. we’re almost half way

This stage can be a kind of “Revelation”.. I’ll elaborate from experience…

I got to this step two years into marriage when my wife out of the blue asked me “Can I put makeup on you?”

I rejected it at first but a nagging thought ‘Does she know I crossdress? 

So I eventually said “Ok” and let her put full makup on me and then I said

“I might as well try on a dress look the part”

I left the room and came back in wearing Lingerie, stockings, high heels and a little black dress …

She said “Wow you look like a woman, your legs look amazing, you look good in that dress”….

I blurted out “Its not the first time I’ve tried this dress on….. I’ve Crossdressed since I was young”

Her face a picture...she hadn’t sussed I Crossdressed … she just wanted to see if her husband would let her put makeup on him

The Revelation moment I talked about at the start concerning Makeup – I looked quite passable as a woman fully dressed and made up (foundation, blusher, mascara, eye shadow, eye liner and lipstick”

For me just dressing up moved onto also wearing makeup and trying to look convincing.

In this case my wife inadvertently gave me a push onto the next step across the Trans Spectrum.You can write here...

     1. He envies you because you can wear whatever you want and sometimes he would rather be wearing what you're wearing!

2. He doesn't mind waiting while you take your time shopping.....

3. He will not only shop with you but pay the bill as well! “ Just remember a few little items for

him/her when you're shopping!!!!

4. You have even more excuses to go shopping, and he will even carry the bags....

5. You can double your wardrobe if he's the same size as you!...

6. He has an eye for fashion like Gok Wan and knows how to advise you and help you

accessorize, so you can ask him how an outfit looks, and get an intelligent response..

7. If he says "You look nice." you know he really means it....

8. If he says that dress is a bit clingy you know he's being nice and stopping you making a

fashion fauxpar....

9. He loves to go shopping with you and watch you try on clothes “ wishing he could try them on....

10. While shopping, you can test a new shade of nail polish and he'll find you a matching lipstick.

11. When shopping for perfume he will give you an honest opinion.

12. He is easy to buy gifts for “ just don't advise your mother to buy him a dress when she asks

what she can get him for his birthday....

13. He understands that the best thing a girl can have when she feels down is new clothes and

shoes and a relaxing evening watching a chick flick with a glass or 3 of wine....

14. If he buy's you clothes, you know he sizes them right.....

15. If you need an accessory for that new dress you bought and he happens to have the perfect

one, you can borrow it.

16. He can spot makeup smudges better than any other guy.....

17. He can give you a professional makeover for free and he'll enjoy doing it

18. You can test a new shades of makeup on him and see if he comes out in a rash...J

19. He understands the need for quality cosmetics.....as cheap stuff give you a rash see 18 above

20. You can borrow his jewelry, clothes & makeup....as long as he can borrow yours

21. You never have to worry about cheating on you with another woman. He IS the other

woman!!..

22. He'll rarely have that scratchy five o'clock shadow or wiry hairy chest....

23. If he wears a skirt it's easy access ...

24. He'll never ask you to have a threesome with another woman as long as he can wear the

lingerie in bed.....

25. He won't tear your lingerie when removing it from you, .....or from himself.

26. A man in a dress makes a good cook ..apparently

27. The toilet seat will always be down....its just polite isnt it

28. He knows just the right way to make love, takes his time and knows just what makes you tick!

29. You have a girlfriend who'll never get PMS or talk about you behind your back...

30. Satin, silk, lace and velvet feel nicer on him than denim and wool when cuddling

31. He understands why you go through so many pairs of stockings and tights....

32. He no longer expects you to get ready for a night on the town in 15 minutes or less....

33. His online t-girl friends don't spend all day watching football. Talking about football or Rugby

or cricket and are interesting to chat to

34. He knows to walk slow when you're wearing heels.....

35. He knows how to treat a lady with care, sensitivity and respect...

36. He's a "girl friend" that will stick around and won't flake out on you or stab you in the back.

37. He loves to dress up and spend time with you having long chat sessions and a glass of wine

whilst watching chick flicks.....

38. Dress him up in a French Maid's Uniform and you have a house cleaner .....any time you like.

:)

You can write here...

Here I will add info to back up some of my advice and Claims which Cover other Crossdressers like myself and may also add updates as a full dated blog and some humour and even Football talk...